Mary Leonetti: May 30, 1922-September 12, 2009

I got the call this morning that my maternal grandmother, Mary Leonetti, had passed away. No one ever wants to receive that call, but unfortunately, death is a part of our lives. Mary had been suffering with cancer for a few years now, and her death was not unexpected. She was 87 years old.

When I hung up the phone, I began to cry. I was sad because I cannot make it out for the funeral. I'm certain if I insisted that I need to go that work would figure out a way to make it happen, but work is not my only consideration. This is just a bad week for me to try and make it happen, and my mom, sister and nephew will have to represent the family in my stead.

I cried because I never really knew my grandmother. I wish that I could tell you that she was the kind of grandma where you had sleep overs, she baked cookies, read stories and loved me. I know she loved me. She was just completely incapable of any of those other things. My grandma had minimal mental capacity. She had the IQ of a third grade child, and she was incapable of taking care of herself. Since the 1940s, she had been institutionalized, and she received tireless care from her family. The burden for her care has fallen to my Uncle Tony for decades, and I'm in awe of him for that.

As a child, we rarely visited Mary. Back in the day, the institutions were uninviting and quite scary for a small child. I remember visting her once and being upset by the experience. Perhaps that is why my mom didn't have us visit her much after that. Her care improved over the years as facilities and care options improved. I remember one year we had a family get together in Sherman, and Mary was there. She looked great and was quite lucid that day. I remember other visits when I was an adult that were no so pleasant. It was always upredictable when it came to visiting Mary.

There were several years in my 20s and 30s when I tried to send Mary postcards and letters regularly. Because she was incapable of doing so, I never got responses. I tried really hard to send her cards on Christmas and Mother's Day and sometimes for her birthday. One time when I visited her, one of her care givers mentioned that she loved the letters. Every time I visited her, it broke my heart to see a framed picture of me and my sister when we were about 3 and 1 years old (respectively). It is old, and the color has faded. She's had that picture for nearly 40 years, and it is still prominently displayed on her dresser.

There were some visits with Mary that were good. Sometimes she would talk and talk. Sometimes she would look at me sideways and ask me a logical question. "You went to Croatia, didn't you?" "You have a good job, don't you?" "You got married, right?" She was not un-intelligent. On a good day, we could hold a decent conversation. She told me about Pearl Harbor Day and what she remembered. She lit up when I asked her facts about her life. She seemed to remember more about her distant past then she did about current happenings.

Several years ago, Mary had a stroke, and she hasn't really been the same since. My last visit with her was quite a while a go, and it was not a good day for her. I was so upset after the visit because sometimes her behavior was hard for me to witness.

I cried today becasue I wish that I'd tried harder...had more patience...visited her more than I did. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, but it's difficult.

I do have one bit of hope in all of this. My faith helps me understand that this life does not end with mortality. I believe that our spirits live on and that someday, we will all be resurrected in our perfected bodies. I believe in a loving God who will perfect Mary's mental capacities so that she will not suffer with this trial for eternity. I believe this. I also believe that I will see my grandmother again. I will get to sit down with her and marvel at the person she is....the person whose mind is whole...the person who I need to thank for being my grandmother and providing me with a rich family lineage.

I believe all this will be. I look forward to that day when I will see Mary, her parents, her parents parents and so on and so on....the Italian side of my family will be having a big party in Heaven. I only hope there is great food, good music and lots of Italian love!

May God Bless Mary and take her in His Grace. I love you, Grandma, and I hope that you are resting peacfully until we meet again!

Your loving granddaughter,

Wendy

My mom (left), Mary (right) with me in the baby blanket. Look how happy she looks!

The Leonetti Children- Left to right: Rose, Tony, Mary, Sam

My mom and my grandma (10 years ag0)