My trigger...the one that always, always, always pushes that big button? When one of the kids tells me, "No." Last night it was, "Elle, go help your sister with the dishes."
Reply: "No." (To Elle's defense, it wasn't her night to do dishes, but she didn't run the dishwasher from the night before...which left no place for the dirty dishes to go...so I asked her to help Dom hand wash them so they could get done.)
Me: "Don't tell me no."
Reply: "No, no, NO, NO!, NO!!!"
Me......blood immediately boiling....went into a finger shaking rage, "You don't get to tell one of your parents no."
Reply: "You can't MAKE me do anything. And it is my RIGHT to say no."
Oh dear...it got much worse before it got better. She is a nearly 15 year old girl...who doesn't want to be told what to do. I'm a 40 year old woman who doesn't like to be told, "No" by 14 year old girl. No one likes to be forced. No one. But I have super low tolerance for kids telling me, "No."
But did I create this monster? In part, yes. I always try to empower might girls and talk about their rights. We have talked long hours about how no one can "make" them do anything....do well in school, play in the band, obey their parents. We want them to make choices about those things so that they know that they chose. What they also know is that they might have a right to say "No" to a parent, but they don't get to chose what happens after they say, "No." So, her cell phone is disabled.
In the middle of our argument she said, "I'm going to be a horrible mom who yells at her kids because you yell at me." Good heavens! I won't own that one. We'll see how it is when her kids push her buttons (and I can't wait until they do....I will take great satisfaction in those moments ;-) I explained to her that while I inherited some negative qualities of my mom's yelling, that we all make choices as to the kind of parent we want to be. I can't believe she's already accusing me of influencing her bad parenting when she's only 14!
You know what it is about Elle? We're actually a lot alike. No child wants to hear that about a parent with whom they butt heads, but it's true. She has inherited/learned a lot of my personality traits. She tries to logic out of an argument (I'm still better than her at it, but it's only because I have 25 extra years of practice; she defends herself (yeah!); she won't back down if she doesn't think she hasn't done something wrong (not good all the time...but in concept...well, we need to work on that); she is adamant about what she wants and is willing to work hard to get it.
Yes, the most volatile relationship in the family tends to be between Wendy and Elle. We yell it all out and usually walk away the better for it. Anyone else have those "intense" relationship with their teen? I could seriously use some better strategies...and don't tell me to deep breathe and count to 10...that doesn't work for me.
Who knew that this little girl....
...who loves to long board, is a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do and prides herself in being an individual...would be so outspoken that she pushes me to seriously freak out irrationally. (This pic was taken for a modeling gig that Elle did when she was little. Isn't she just the cutest freaking thing you've ever seen? See that shaking finger? Yeah, I think it might have gotten wagged my way yesterday...if not that finger than the middle one, for sure!)
You know what though? I have so many more great moments with Elle than I do these kind of moments. So, on those rough days, I'll try to remember images like these....when she's all of those great things...without the yelling, "No" in my face part ;-)Have I mentioned lately how hard it is being the parent of 4 teenagers?
My friend, Daisy, took this amazing picture of Elle. http://www.andphotographyblog.blogspot.com/
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