Write down the funny things your kids say....

Our kids have said some hilarious things over the years. I used to keep a file with the things that they said, but somehow...somewhere...that file got deleted. So, I decided to do my best to search my memory and write them in cyber space. If you have kids...I totally encourage you to do this....you will forget. Also, the kids love hearing stories about themselves...no matter how crazy they are. Here are a few oldies but goodies.

Bradley-

A few years ago at Christmas, Dean needed a phillips screwdriver to dismantle our stocking holder. He sent Bradley to the tool box to look for one. Finding none there, Bradley went to the garage to look (we have more tools in the garage). He came back several minutes later exasperated claiming that he couldn't find a phillips screwdriver. I insisted that there was definitely one in the garage. He said something like, "I don't know what to tell you. I checked every single screwdriver we have. All of them say "Craftsman." Not one of them says, "Phillips"." I thought Dean was going to pass out he was laughing so hard!

Mariah-

This child is geographically challenged. No one believes me about this first story...and dang it, if I had my file, I could *prove* that I wrote it down when it happened. A few years ago (maybe three or four years ago), Mariah was doing an assignment/studying for a test related to capitals. She said, "Is Oregon the capital of Washington?" I'm assuming that she got Olympia confused with the other "O word" that came to mind. I said, "No, Oregon is a state." Mariah: "Yes, but is it the capital of Washington?"

Major parental fail. Again, Dean still thinks I got that one wrong, but I assure you, I got that story EXACTLY right. I was vindicated last year by Mariah's more recent display of geographical ineptitude. We were in San Francisco for a nice weekend, and we were down on the piers somewhere. Someone made a comment, and I said (sarcastically), "Welcome to California!" To which Mariah said, "We're not in California, we're in San Francisco." LONG pause from both me and Dean. Dean tells her that we are indeed in California. She insists that we are not. You'd think that she would have just believed us...my heavens I've been to California more than 150 times on business, and I've been to San Francisco at least 10 of those times. Dean calls her bluff saying, "Ok, Mariah...then what is the capital of San Francisco?" The wheels were spinning so quickly in her head that I thought her red hair might catch on FIRE. She suddenly realizes that San Francisco *is* a city, not a state. She had just not made the connection before that moment. The only other time she'd been to California was to go to Disney, and to her defense, the Bay Area is NOTHING like SoCal...but still....

I have since purchased a puzzle map of the US. I have no idea why she struggles so much with geography. I shudder to think of where she might place other NATIONS on a world map!


Elle-

Elle gives me so much content that I don't even know where to begin. One of my FAVORITE stories about Elle has to do with Aliens, Leprechauns and the Tooth Fairy. I know...it's hard to believe, but it's true.

We were at the post office one day, and when I got back into the van, Elle said, "Did the aliens invade Europe in 1944?"

Me: "What??? Do you mean Hitler? Did Hitler invade Europe in 1944?"

Elle...adamantly..."No, the aliens....did they invade Europe in 1944?"

Me: "What in the hell are you talking about?"

Elle: "It's in this book that I read."

Me: "And where did you get this book?"

Elle: "The school library." At this point in time I begin to panic. What kind of books do they have in the middle school library. Our school was built shortly after the invasion of Normandy...I'm thinking...maybe it's left over WWII propaganda literature.

Me: "Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but me and Dad are the Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns aren't really, and, no, aliens did not invade Europe in 1944."

Elle: "Oh, I totally believe in Leprechauns." This conversation has just taken an even more bizarre turn.

Me: "What in the world did you have for breakfast today, child?"

Elle: (not missing a beat and COMPLETELY serious): "Lucky Charms"

At that point in time Bradley, who was also in the car about peed his pants laughing so hard!

When I queried her about why she believed in Leprechauns she told me that she was at a friends' house recently, and a group of girls were sitting around a kitchen table. One of the girls scooted her chair out to go to the bathroom, but by the time she got back, the chair was back in place. Elle deduced that a Leprechaun had definitely pushed the chair back in. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or to call a therapist. That girl was CONVINCED that Leprechauns existed and that they could move chairs!

Incidentally, I scrounged around in Elle's room until I found the book about aliens and 1944. She should have read the book....instead of just looking at the pictures. She must have concocted a story in her head based on her understanding of the photos. The book was about crop circles throughout the world. There must have been some reference to the 1940s. Other than that, there is no logical answer to her deduction of aliens invading Europe in 1944.

Dominique-

She can come up with some real doozies, too. Smaller kids sometimes hear a word and think they know the meaning. Then when they try to use the word in a sentence, it can be pretty funny. I found a few of Dom's bloops written in my journal today.

1) Pig's indigestion. She was referring to sausauge and the fact that pig's *intestines" are used to case sausage. It came out "pig's indigestion," though.

2) "Mr. Randall (her 4th grade teacher) would never take money from the Governor." I'm thinking....is there some state scandal going on with the Governor paying teachers off for some weird reason. I asked her to clarify.

She said, "Mr. Randall said that no matter how poor he got, he would never take money from the Governor."

Me: "Honey, do you mean the 'government'?"

Dom: "Yeah, that."

Me: "And how did this come up in your 4th Grade classroom today?"

Dom: "Oh, we were talking about welfare."

Me: "Ooooohhhhhh, reeeeaaaalllly?" I'm not sure if you realize this or not, but teachers have TREMENDOUS influence over what kids think. Dom would say nearly every day, "Mr. Randall said....." followed by some interesting tid-bit of information. Sometimes I think Mr. Randall crossed the line, but all in all...I think he did more good than harm. He got the kids thinking.

3) "Exculsive Branch of Government." You know where this one is going....she was learning about the *Executive Branch* of government....although, some might argue that *Exclusive Branch* is not a bad name for it!


Write down the funny things your kids say!!!