The good, the bad and the ugly....

Since the inception of this family blog, I've kept it fairly upbeat and positive choosing to air my opinions on my personal blog. I grapple sometimes with whether or not I should share "less favorable" family news on the blog, and I have chosen not to. Trust me, there are A LOT of unfavorable posts that could have made it on here.

I often wonder if I'm creating a false image of who our family is. I don't think so. I consider this more of a photo journal rather than a newsy blog about the goings on in our family. Our family is FAR from perfect. We have just as many heartaches and sorrows as we do picture perfect moments. We have fights just like every other family does. We have struggles with our kids....just like every other family does. Having kids the age we do, we also tend to have a lot of extraneous drama going on. Any given day is a hodge podge of the good, the bad and the ugly. In the spirit of full disclosure, I think it's important to put that out there.

I don't want to go on with this blog pretending like all is well in our family. It's not. There has been a major disruption lately, and I wanted to blog about it. If I really began to express my feelings about it, I would never stop. So, I won't. Suffice it to say that our oldest son, Bradley, has moved out. It's been a little over three weeks since he first left.

He has desired his independence and his freedom from our rules and our standards of accountability for a long time. We always intended for him to move on after he graduated from high school. His premature departure created more angst in our family than was necessary, but it is what it is. He currently is staying in a room with our next door neighbors, Kim and Doreen. I can't tell you how thankful I am for these women. They care about Bradley, and they have been absolutely wonderful to him. I know that he is safe, and above all else, that is most important.

Bradley did not graduate from high school yesterday with his class. He failed to meet the requirements necessary for that to happen. I can't even tell you the heartache that this caused in our family. We so wanted him to graduate from high school. Dean and I have worked so hard over his junior high and high school career to try and help him. We have gone to extreme measures at times to help him get on the right path and ensure that he had more choices rather than fewer choices in his youth. For him to fall short in the last quarter of his high school career was beyond disappointing.

Every person has his right to make choices in this life. As parents we are only doing the best we can to teach them, guide them and help them. The child must do his part as well.

I deeply hope for Bradley that he figures our who he is. I hope that he chooses to live an authentic and honest life some day. I hope that he figures out how love is different than teenage lustful desires and "being in love." I hope that he gets his high school diploma. I hope that once he finds out who he is that he is true to that person. Interestingly, these are the same things that I have hoped for Bradley for a long, long time. We've been through a lot with him, and we have drug him through kicking and screaming (in his passive aggressive way) for the last 6 years.

I have done all that I can do for Bradley. I have given all I have to give, and my cup is empty. For now, I am relying on the generosity of others to buoy me up. A sweet woman from church came to me a few weeks ago and said, "My cup runneth over, and what extra I have, I share with you." It was once of the most charitable things that someone said to me in a very long time. My friends and extended family have been wonderful to me and my family. There is not a true friend who knows me and Dean who doesn't know how hard we have worked to help this child.

So, as he moves on, it is with mixed emotions. I'm anxious for the day that he moves away from the neighbor's house and puts action to all of his rhetoric. He hasn't really moved out...he's moved next door. I can't wait until he gets a job, moves out on his own and really, really, really starts earning his own way in the world. He claims that he can do it, and we are hopeful that he can. We won't know until others stop enabling him, stop giving him extra chances and stop taking care of him. It is probable that this pattern will continue for him for quite some time though, regrettably.

I'm anxious to see what kind of man that he will be, and I hope above all hopes that I'm the kind of woman who can accept the person he chooses to be.

Being a parent is tough. Being a step-parent is tougher. Being married to Dean and being given the opportunity to parent these four kids had provided me a set of experiences that I could never have had in any other way. I have learned more about myself than I ever dreamed I would. I have grown closer to God because of my experience as a parent. I have a treasure chest full of life experience because of this parenting opportunity. So, through the good, the bad and the ugly, I'm grateful for that.